The adventures (and non-adventures) of a marginally seasoned attorney.


Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Your marriage isn't for me

The ramblings of a single, 20-something Christian.

When you're in your late 20s, social media morphs into this magical wasteland where everyone decides to share blog posts about what makes a perfect marriage and what is non-negotiable in marriage and how God wants you to act in marriage and so on and so forth. Young marrieds find these posts and share them and re-share them and re-tweet them and pin them over and over again. The young marrieds usually accompany their sharing with some comment like "SO TRUE!" and "EVERY young woman should read this!"

And if you click on these links, you will find there are some themes to "THIS IS WHAT MARRIAGE IS ABOUT!" posts. They are usually written by a young married person - someone who is usually younger than me, someone who is involved in the church, and someone who wants to share the story of *their* wonderful marriage. And their wonderful marriage was a struggle at some point, but they overcame it, by gosh. And there are usually some soft-light pictures of the blogger's wedding posted here and there so we can see how happy and beautiful they all are. I keep looking for a post that has the blogger's spouse flipping off the camera as they realize that they are being photographed while getting out of bed first thing in the morning, but that has yet to happen.

Anyway, I absolutely *loathe* these posts. No matter what words the person writes, they all pretty much come across the same way to me:

"I am married and HAPPY. Because I am married and HAPPY, I am an expert in all things marriage-related. If you are not married right now, don't worry, because you'll get married someday. Pray about being married more. Only date men who meet the guidelines of this scripture checklist. And if you're all sad and lonely, you need to stop, because you're just not being patient enough with God. Because if you're patient, God will bring you a spouse, and you will be married and HAPPY, just like me. Right? Right."

Thank you for telling me that everything will be okay because I'll get married if I'm just patient and follow the scripture. Now that we have that out of the way: AHHHHH STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STAHHHHP ITTTT!

Messages like this aggravate the heck out of me, because not only do I feel like I am being talked down to, I think they're dishonest. I just wish, for once in my life, that people would share this kind of message and get excited about this kind of message:

You may not get married, but that's okay. God's love is enough.

It's kind of the culture these days in the Christian circles to tell kids from a really young age that they'll find a spouse some day if they're patient with God. I don't know anywhere in the scripture that God makes that promise (just ask Paul!), and we need to stop telling kids that. We need to stop perpetuating this message online, too. I think marriage is a wonderful thing, and it's something that I want, but it's not something that is guaranteed to me, no matter how faithful I am, no matter how Christlike I strive to be. 

One of the biggest leaps of faith I ever made in my life was making the transition from thinking "I will be okay because God loves me and has someone for me" to thinking "I will be okay because God loves me." Period. And I hope that's a message that we start sharing with young people. 

God loves you. And that is enough.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Why you should sponsor me to be your CrossFit athlete

CrossFitters spend a lot of money on products that they think will make them run faster, lift heavier, and hold their handstands longer (gotta have more time for a photo op, y'all). And if a product has the face of a CrossFit athlete associated with it, CrossFitters can't dig their wallet out of their lululemon pants fast enough.

I went to a competition this weekend that brought in two sponsored athletes, Camille Leblanc-Bazinet and Jenn Jones. They were freaking awesome. And though I will never be as talented as they are, I got to thinking - why can't *I* be a sponsored athlete?

I swear that I got my chin over the bar and that this
was a good rep. (Thanks for the photo, Kate Jester!)

Let it be known, CrossFit-centric companies - I would love to be YOUR sponsored athlete. Have concerns about my ability to be an appropriate brand representative? Let me ease those fears with a few reasons why I would be perfect for your brand:

1. I am super relatable - Okay, so all of the sponsored CrossFit athletes are generally in the top 1% of all CrossFitters, performance-wise. But do you know who's not in the top 1% of CrossFitters performance-wise? Every single other person in the world. And every single other person in the world buys stuff. And people enjoy buying things that people similar to them buy, otherwise cigarettes wouldn't still be a thing.

2. I LOVE pictures - There's an expectation that sponsored athletes will take pictures with the masses. I will take a picture with every single person within a 15-mile radius of a CrossFit event, and I will be very enthusiastic when I do it. See example:

Just keepin' it real with Jenn and Camille.

3. I know people - I don't mean to brag, but I've lived in four different towns in Arkansas. You've got a great head start in brand visibility.

4. I will make sure your product wins the social media war -  I will say awesome, kickass things about your product on the internet, but more importantly, I will spread nasty rumors about your competitor's product on the internet.

And last, but not least:

5. You get a built-in lawyer - I will defend you in court when you are sued for libel for spreading nasty rumors about your competitor's product on the internet.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Being Awesome is the New Awesome

[I do CrossFit. I've been doing it for a while. I think I've gone from the point of being all "HEY LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT CROSSFIT" every waking moment to "I'm going to mention CrossFit for the sole purpose of letting you know that I did something more badass than usual today," though blogging about CrossFit certainly isn't helping this argument.]

Most people get drawn into CrossFit because they want to have an awesome looking body. That "I just want to get healthy" thing that people say? Total crap. Or the "Forget being skinny - strong is the new sexy!" thing that's floating around the internet? Also crap. I mean, maybe I would buy that strength is more valued than looks if the phrase "strong is the new sexy" weren't always accompanied by a picture of, you know, a skinny lady, but this is not the case.

No, you don't join CrossFit for health. You join CrossFit because you've seen all these before and after pics of people who have done CrossFit floating around the internet and want that to happen to you. In the "before" pictures, you will see a person who looks like she has subsisted on a diet consisting only of IHOP and Crisco her entire life. In the "two months of CrossFit" pictures, this same person now looks like Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2. It's amazing.

And shoot, who doesn't want that kind of a transformation? So after seeing all that magic, you sign up for a CrossFit class, you think you're going to die during the class, and then you don't die. And then you feel all badass, because even though those fancy schmancy before and after pics are what lured you into the gym in the first place, lifting heavy weights is cool as all getout. It's that ultimate feeling of badassery and camaraderie with the folks you are being badass with that keeps you going back to CrossFit.

But you still want to look good, you know? And for the first year or so of CrossFit, I'd say, you've got a constant "Hey now, look how great I look" thing going, which is nice. But for some of us, it finally gets to the point where you are not losing any more fat. And you're not getting smaller anymore - you're getting bigger because you're maintaining your fat but gaining muscle.

This is the point where I am at. It's psychologically devastating if you're someone who has had body image issues - and I imagine that there are lots of people like this. My suits and pants won't fit me anymore because my rear and thighs are too big. I know it's because I'm lifting heavy weights and getting toned, but I've always associated clothes being tight with being "bad" and clothes fitting looser with being "good." I know that in reality, I am NOT a bulky person by any means, but it's hard to believe that when a good ten minutes of my morning consists of finding a suit that I can still wear (and my apologies to anyone who has encountered me on work mornings where I had to spend ten minutes finding another outfit instead of drinking more coffee).

And on top of that, then rolls in this STRONG IS THE NEW SKINNY and STRONG IS THE NEW SEXY nonsense floating around every time I log onto Pinterest or Facebook, and I pretty much want to gouge my eyes out every time I see it. I'm sure it's supposed to be motivating or something, but all I see is "HEY, YOU NEED TO LOOK LIKE THIS! And if you don't look like this, then clearly you are not trying hard enough! And you pretty much fail at everything and are destined to be a LOSER OMG OMG OMG!"

I am so, so tired of trying to be "skinny" or "sexy." You know what I really want to be?

Awesome. Like, really, really awesome. I want to have an awesome life where I do awesome things and hang out with awesome people. I want to be awesome when I lift weights. I want to be awesome in court. I want to be an awesome friend and daughter. I want to be awesome when I'm cooking breakfast, dang it. And instead of worrying if I am the new "skinny" or "sexy," I want to go out and do all kinds of awesome things, because that is what makes life happy.

So forget the new "skinny" or "sexy." I have a new motto:

That's right, being awesome is the new awesome.

Now let's all go and be AWESOME.

P.S. Thanks to Melanie Runsick of WOD Style for the pic at the top of the post - she makes me look much more badass than I actually am, and sells some pretty neat CrossFit gear, too.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Why Pinterest posts annoy the crap outta me

Okay, I really and truly love recipe hunting on Pinterest, but God help me, blog posts that are designed to get Pinterest traffic annoy the crap outta me. For those who don't know, bloggers who post lots of pretty pictures are more likely to get links on Pinterest, and the more links, the more blog traffic. However, it's very, very obvious which bloggers are trying to get more traffic, because every single time they post, they'll give us a lengthy picture story that goes a little something like this:

Oh my gosh, I have the most interesting story to tell about what I'm about to bake! Here's a picture of the dish I'm about to cook! 

I was SO WORRIED about how I was going to create this dish, but I love a good challenge! I'll post the recipe here in a bit, but here's a picture of the dish at a different angle!

I need to incorporate my husband into this blog post! He doubted that I could make this, so I was determined to prove him wrong! [Seriously, I can't tell you how many bloggers say they have husbands who doubt their cooking skills. If I were married and I had a husband who whined that much about my cooking, I'd tell him to make his own freaking hot dog.] I'm not posting the recipe yet, but here's another picture of the dish, NOW WITH A GARNISH!!

Whew! This was so exhausting! Here's a picture of the dish with some things I have lying around my kitchen. Oh, and I love WINE! [Food bloggers seem to talk about how much they love to drink wine. I'm not sure whether their wine consumption has to do with the fact that their husbands complain about their cooking all the time.]

And by the way, here's the recipe:
[We'll just pretend I've posted my delicious organic hot dog and kale leaf recipe]

This turned out to be really good! I think I'm going to make this a weekly treat/ Here's another picture that I promise is different than the last one ;)

People want more blog traffic - hey, I get it. However, you don't have to worry about the stories, guys. Just say "Hey y'all, I want more people to link to my recipe blog, so please enjoy a buttload of pictures at the end of this post," and you're good to go.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

New Adventures

So, since the last time I posted, I was offered a new job, I accepted that job, I moved across the state, and now I'm finally settled. And because I'm finally settled, this means I finally have time to start typing away at Incidental Justice without thinking "OMG OMG OMG Is there something I need to be doing at work right that I didn't realize I needed to be doing because this is a new job and it's so different from my old job OH GOD I'M AFRAID I'M GOING TO RUIN THINGS but I'm not sure what it is I would ruin so I need to make sure to spend LOTS AND LOTS worrying about what it is I might ruin AHHHHHHH!"

So far so good, though. It's a new chapter in my life, full of new adventures. So let's get to talking, shall we?