The adventures (and non-adventures) of a marginally seasoned attorney.

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Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Poetic Justice

Summing up a young lawyer's day in court ... haiku style. 

Yes, I'm a lawyer
I know I look like I'm 12
But you're being rude 

Pleeeeeease let me go first
So my trial will be done
I'm very hungry :(

Old lawyers fighting
They're really getting upset
Please don't pop a vein

Necessary fact
No one bothered telling me
'Til after trial

Public restrooms here
Are not very hygienic 
I'll hold it for now

I read the statute.
I'm young, opposing counsel.
I'm not a dumbass.

... Why did you say that?
No one asked you that, witness.
I can't unhear that.

THESE FACTS ARE AWESOME!
MY CLIENT IS SO AWESOME!
WINNING IS AWESOME!

Friday, September 7, 2012

Hey Girl. Royals Singles Night.

When I saw talk of "Royals Singles Night" online, I genuinely thought that "Singles" was a reference to hitting a baseball and reaching first base. Oh, was I wrong. Singles Night is an actual promotion by the Kansas City Royals organization to match up the lonely people of the world (who also happen to be miserable because they're Royals fans).

I have no intention of attending this event. But if I did attend, I imagine the evening would be full of lines like these:

(Note: If you're not a Royals fan, don't worry; I've provided an explanation link for the Royals-specific lines. Though in my experience, the less you know about the Royals, the less miserable you are.)



Wil Myers reference.

Dayton Moore reference.



Yuniesky Betancourt reference.

Country Breakfast reference.


Good luck, everyone. Hope you don't strike out.

(Thanks to the folks who started the #RoyalsSinglesNightLines trend on twitter for the inspiration. I promise I didn't take any lines from you. At least, not *intentionally*.)