The adventures (and non-adventures) of a marginally seasoned attorney.

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Sunday, October 14, 2012

Two years in

Being an attorney will skew your perspective on life. There is no getting around this; after you've practiced for a while, the world just seems different. Everything seems more ridiculous. Everyone seems more stupid. Everyone has a problem that they could fix, but you're convinced that no one is actually interested in doing what it takes to solve those problems, so you just sit and watch the world burn around you.

After you've practiced for a while, you will analyze every single text you write to determine whether that statement would be harmful to you in a court of law. You will watch what you wear when you go to Walmart, because you're terrified of the thought of running into opposing counsel - or worse, a judge - in your pajamas. And every now and then you won't be able to fall asleep, because sometimes you just can't turn off the mental work switch when you get home.

You don't get all worked up about some OUTRAGEOUS court case in the news everyone is talking about because you've heard worse during family court. You do get worked up, however, when people adamantly declare what the court should do in these cases even though they don't know all the facts. You love facts. You wished everyone else loved facts as much as you do.

Courtroom dramas aren't as entertaining as they used to be because no one on television follows the rules of civil procedure. Concerts and sporting events are still fun, but at some point in the evening, you're going to start analyzing potential liabilities at the event as they relate to the structures and logistics. You know that bringing those things up with your non-lawyer friends will kind of make you a douchebag. You have accepted the fact that you are kind of a douchebag.

This is how I see life now, and I'm only two years into the job. I look forward to seeing how things are after another 20.

2 comments:

Lyndsey said...

Agree.... sad but true.

hannah draper said...

In 20 years? Go ahead and register early on the liver transplant list.

If it's any comfort, I'm the same way about foreign policy. Every time some talking head opens his yap hole on TV, I get really pissed off. Also, I can no longer look at any news story without balancing it against our regional policy interests. Bureaucratic speech has infiltrated my everyday speaking; at a wedding last month I said to another guest, "Can I task you with taking this box over to the reception hall?" She didn't know that task was a verb...