The adventures (and non-adventures) of a marginally seasoned attorney.

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Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Coconut Diaries

Another post in Incidental Justice's series on cooking.

I found a fun recipe for raw vegan coconut cream pie online. The pie looked delicious and awesome, and I love things that are delicious and awesome, so I decided that making this pie would be my project du jour.

Now, if I'm gonna do a project, I'm gonna go all out. When a recipe calls for coconut meat, I'm not gonna use the nasty shredded stuff out of the bag, no sir! I'm going to get an actual coconut and crack the heck out of that thing.

Here's my problem: I bought a young Thai coconut, and I had to look on Wikipedia to figure out how to get the meat out of it. I *think* you have to hack off the stuff on the outside to get to the shell, and then you have crack open the shell, and and then after you crack open the shell you can get to the meat.

I say I *think* that's how it works, because I still don't know. After a solid half hour of hacking away at that thing, this is what I wound up with:



Yeah. I'm gonna go ahead and rate this project "not successful." I am not one to be defeated, though. Sometimes, you have to take matters into your own hands.

Glutton for Punishment's Delicious Coconut Cream Pie
Serves 1
Prep time: 50 minutes, depending on traffic

Ingredients:
Young Thai coconut
Knife that you thought was sharp
Car
$10 bill (can substitute with two $5 bills or a debit card)
Kroger (can substitute with other grocery store)

Instructions:
Try hacking open a young Thai coconut. Fail at hacking open the young Thai coconut. Get in your car. Drive to Kroger. Pick up a coconut cream pie. Pay for the coconut cream pie. Drive home with the coconut cream pie. Eat the coconut cream pie.

That's right, the recipe says "Serves 1." You earned it, kiddo.

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