The adventures (and non-adventures) of a marginally seasoned attorney.

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Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Spark Week: A Hammer

Sharks are very useless. Hammers are very useful. Therefore, hammers are better than sharks. Let's make some comparisons.


Need to hang up a painting?
Hammer: Drives a nail into the wall so the painting can have something to hang on.
Shark: Will bite the painting, then it will bite the wall, then it will bite your arm off. So there was really no point in paying to have the painting framed.

Need to remove a nail?
Hammer: Removes nails.
Shark: Swims by the nail and ignores it. Snob.

Need to fit something into a portable tool box?
Hammer: Fits in the tool box.
Shark: Eats the tool box. Perhaps a baby shark could fit in the box, but then you're just stuck with a fish inside of a tool box.

But what about swimming? HA! I got you, [Glutton], I got you SO GOOD! SHARK WEEK 4EVER IT IS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE OMG OMG OMG!
Okay, I have an answer to this one. In terms of usefulness to me, a hammer actually wins out. If my ship is sinking, and I'm stranded in the middle of an ocean and need help swimming to safety, the likelihood that I can hop on a swimming shark and swim back to land is slim. However, I can use the hammer to repair my ship, and then the ship can swim me safely back to land, thanks to the hammer.

So HA, shark fans! I got you SO GOOD! SPARK WEEK 4EVER!

1 comment:

RachelR said...

Plus, you could use the hammer to fend off a shark attack if your boat sinks and you have to wait to be rescued (by JTT, if you're lucky!)