Forget sharks. Dinosaurs were the original badass. The masses may be oooh-ing and ahhh-ing over some fish flopping around in the water this week, but we all know that our buddy Jaws ain't got nothin' on the reptilian legends. Back in the day, dinosaurs would destroy you 20 different ways and then destroy you ALL OVER AGAIN. And then they would go "RAWWWR!" because they were awesome.
For those of you Shark Week cultists who are saying, "But [Glutton]! Sharks are soooo much better because dinosaurs aren't even alive anymore and sharks are still here and they're evolutionarily superior and clearly you are wrong and SHARK WEEK OMG OMG OMG," I hear what you're saying, but you're so, so wrong. I mean, sharks got to be all cozy in their magic "Under the Sea" land while dinos were braving the harsh, harsh elements. Hardly a fair comparison.
But if you're going to disagree with me, let's just go ahead and put them head to head for comparison. Let's just say a shark and a dinosaur happen to meet up in a dark alley one day. Who are you going to put your money on to win the fight? The fish? Or are you going to put your money on the running, spitting, clawing, biting, whip-your-butt-and-then-whip-someone-else's-butt-just-because-it-can reptile? Yeah, that's what I thought.
If you're still disagreeing with me, then clearly there is nothing I can do to help you...yet. Just wait until Jurassic Park becomes a real life thing in a few years. And then we can actually put a shark and a dinosaur in a dark alley and see what happens.