The adventures (and non-adventures) of a marginally seasoned attorney.

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Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Spark Week: DINOSAURS!

RAWWWWR! (c)


Forget sharks. Dinosaurs were the original badass. The masses may be oooh-ing and ahhh-ing over some fish flopping around in the water this week, but we all know that our buddy Jaws ain't got nothin' on the reptilian legends. Back in the day, dinosaurs would destroy you 20 different ways and then destroy you ALL OVER AGAIN.  And then they would go "RAWWWR!" because they were awesome.

For those of you Shark Week cultists who are saying, "But [Glutton]! Sharks are soooo much better because dinosaurs aren't even alive anymore and sharks are still here and they're evolutionarily superior and clearly you are wrong and SHARK WEEK OMG OMG OMG," I hear what you're saying, but you're so, so wrong. I mean, sharks got to be all cozy in their magic "Under the Sea" land while dinos were braving the harsh, harsh elements. Hardly a fair comparison.

But if you're going to disagree with me, let's just go ahead and put them head to head for comparison. Let's just say a shark and a dinosaur happen to meet up in a dark alley one day. Who are you going to put your money on to win the fight? The fish? Or are you going to put your money on the running, spitting, clawing, biting, whip-your-butt-and-then-whip-someone-else's-butt-just-because-it-can reptile? Yeah, that's what I thought.

If you're still disagreeing with me, then clearly there is nothing I can do to help you...yet. Just wait until Jurassic Park becomes a real life thing in a few years. And then we can actually put a shark and a dinosaur in a dark alley and see what happens.

3 comments:

Caroline said...

If I may.. and I'm not defending sharks, just throwing something on the table for discussion... Part of what makes sharks so scary is that their world exists in the water. If we encounter a shark, we're probably in the water, which is a foreign thing for us. No running and hiding.
Whereas, if you encounter a dinosaur, you at least have the ability to run from it and hide somewhere or something. Additionally, I don't think a dino could sneak up on you like a shark could. They're not exactly graceful. Not that I have any proof to back this up.
Thoughts?

Glutton for Punishment said...

Caroline,

The problem with that logic is that it's essentially a pro-water argument rather than a pro-shark argument. The water is a foreign environment; therefore, water-dwelling creatures have a natural advantage over us.

If a shark were chasin' after me, I probably wouldn't be able to get away. HowEVER...if, say, a catfish were chasin' after me, I probably wouldn't be able to get away, either. The fact that I can't swim too well doesn't make a catfish superior to a dinosaur.

Plus, I imagine if a T-Rex were to dunk his head into a pond where I'm swimming, there's no escaping that either. So any way you look at it, we're all screwed. So I think I will just eat my cupcake and try not to think about being in the water.

_steve said...

Practically speaking, sharks ARE dinosaurs.