The adventures (and non-adventures) of a marginally seasoned attorney.


Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Dear Hot Springs:

If you want show off the fact that a former president grew up in your darling city, you might want to make sure he doesn't wind up looking like a washed-out meth head:

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

A few thoughts

Don't get me wrong - I work hard at my job. However, I am not one of those attorneys who can spend 18-hour days in the office, rotting in some basement doing research for a partner in a tall-building firm whilst dreaming of the day when I will be allowed to come up for air. No ma'am, I want to have a life rich with fun and amazing experiences, and I can't do that if I'm a BigLaw slave. I want to have a fantastic life, so I make time to do things that are full of love, happiness, and sometimes cupcakes, too.

In my quest to have a rich life, I am also trying to make it a priority to show others love and kindness in all things that I do. I'm not always good at that. If you've ever interacted with me early in the morning and I haven't consumed a beverage chock full o' caffeine, you REALLY know that I'm not always the best at being kind. I usually try not to say anything to anyone in the morning just because God only knows what cranky nonsense will come from my mouth. But that's not the point.

The point is this: Just as Christ showed his love to the world, I want to show love to each and every one of you. You are an important, fantastic person, worthy of love. And I love you a whole lot.

So if you're having a bad day - heck, if you're having a good day - know that you are so, so loved. You are loved unconditionally. And you are loved abundantly.

Even when you're ornery or difficult, I still love you. And I'll still try to show you love. I'll be showing you *tough* love, of course. But I think that counts.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Stress Relief

Being a lawyer is stressful. I usually try to remedy stress by sitting on the couch for hours, watching reality TV shows that aren't quite as bad as Jersey Shore but that are still really, really bad, and lying around in a pile of chocolate wrappers and empty ice cream bowls. And sometimes when I'm *really really* stressed, I'm surrounded by empty containers of Ben and Jerry's because transferring ice cream from its original container to a bowl takes too much time because OMG I NEED THE ICE CREAM RIGHT NOW DANG IT I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR SOCIAL CONVENTIONS PASS ME THE CHUNKY MONKEY.

But none of that this time, no ma'am. I am going to release my stress in a nice, healthy way, because I am a strong, independent woman who doesn't need trashy TV or empty calories to be happy. So instead of taking the usual route, I have decided that I will take out my frustrations with good ol' fashioned exercise, because a healthy body makes a healthy mind. Plus, sometimes during workouts, you get to punch things. And that's nice, too.

So I decided to start out my exercise plan on Friday morning with a nice little trip to my local CrossFit box. If you are not familiar with the CrossFit training plan, I like to describe it like this: You lift weights til you want to pass out, you run til you want to pass out, you do chin ups until you want to pass out, but you stop before you actually pass out. Except this one time, I actually did pass out, and I was sprawled out on the floor and all I could say to the trainer was "I promise I'm not being overdramatic" and then I was out cold. But other than that, it's really great. You only have to do about 20 minutes of exercise a day and that's kind of fabulous.

On Saturday, though, I was out of town, so my friend Megan suggested I go to Jazzercise with her. And after a day of CrossFit, I figured this would be a fun little way to break a sweat without going through the Pass Out Factor of Crossfit. So I rocked some toe taps. I rocked some grapevines. I rocked that whole Jazzercise workout, heck yes I did.

Unfortunately, because I mixed workouts, I'm a nice little knot of sore muscles and limited mobility now. As a result, I have been lying on the couch for hours, surrounded by food wrappers. It's *almost* like my typical stress relief routine. However, I am not watching reality TV. But that's only because I'm too sore to reach the remote control.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

June is Awareness Month

Every month we are told we need to be "aware" of something - cancer, psoriasis, termites with rheumatoid arthritis, you name it. Though these Awareness Months are supposed to be monthlong celebrations, the only way I think they are celebrated is through pamphlet distribution. Perhaps the occasional 5K race, too.

Well dang it, I for one think there needs to be a little bit more party in these Awareness Months. I've listed what we need to be aware of in June - not making these up, these are totally legit Awareness Months - and how I plan to celebrate. Oh heck yes.

  • Potty Training - Give myself an M&M treat every time I have to go to the ladies' room.
  • Dengue Fever - Throw a backyard barbecue with citronella Tiki torches. Lots of them.
  • Scleroderma - You know who promotes scleroderma awareness? BOB. FRIGGIN'. SAGET. That's who. Hellooooo Full House marathon.
  • Children - I didn't realize that some people weren't aware of children.  Guess I'll throw a party at Chuck E. Cheese and call it a day.
  • Goat Trauma - ???
  • Cancer From the Sun - Shoot, I don't want cancer from the sun! I'll spend all the time I would've spent outside in tanning beds instead.
  • Home Safety - Light a bunch of stuff on fire in my apartment to see if the smoke alarms are working.
  • False Allegations - I've got a way to celebrate False Allegation Awareness. It's called "going to court."
Party on, y'all!