The adventures (and non-adventures) of a marginally seasoned attorney.


Monday, May 30, 2011

Things that don't belong on Facebook

Okay, my local news station *loves loves loves* to run stories about the DANGERS of Facebook and how our lives are going to be ruined because Facebook is going to infect our computers and minds with filthy thoughts and cause us all to have affairs.  Stories like these are dramatic and unnecessary. If you're going to run a news story about Facebook, please make it about something useful and tell people to stop posting the following:
  • Pictures of your baby's 4D ultrasound - Pictures of babies are cute. Pictures of your baby's 4D ultrasound are creepy. My typical response to anything creepy-outy is to shut my eyes and curl up in fetal position, but anything "fetal" makes me think of the horrifying ultrasound pictures again. If you're going to post an ultrasound picture on Facebook, make sure it's the old-fashioned kind. I've never been able to see the babies in those.
  • Your LSAT score - If you post your score online, your classmates will find it, and they will make fun of you for it, no matter how high or low your score was. I don't make the rules. I just follow them. *shrug*
  • The amount of alcohol you consumed last night - Actually, I shouldn't say that you should never post that. If someone posted "I had a half glass of wine lass night and did not feel and any adverse side effects related to the consumption of alcohol," I'd probably give it a thumbs up.
  • The amount of alcohol your friend consumed last night - He's probably hungover and cranky as is, but if you post "Wow u were so wasted last nite!" to his wall and ruin his chances of getting that job, he'll still be hungover, but his crankiness will be directed at *you*. Ohhh watch out, y'all. 
  • How you feel about your boyfriend any given moment - Today I'm not sure if your boyfriend is a "jerkface lying scumbag poophead" or an "OMG HONEY i luv u sweetie xoxo," so I'm just going to assume that yesterday's "no longer listed in a relationship" post will change in about a week, when you will be back "in a relationship with jerkface lying scumbag poophead."
Any other suggestions?


JD Yates said...

Having committed all of these offenses (likely in a single sitting), I take umbrage with this post.

Also, I love you bunches. xoxo


Glutton for Punishment said...

JD, if I see you posting pictures of a 4D ultrasound on Facebook, then we need to talk.

Love you bunches, too. *mwah*