The adventures (and non-adventures) of a marginally seasoned attorney.


Monday, October 18, 2010

Happy Cancer Awareness Month, Y'all.

Hey, y'all! It's CANCER AWARENESS MONTH and the local grocery store wants you to celebrate!

As you can see from the newspaper ad, the grocery store is celebrating by giving you great discounts on items such as:

  • Red meat
  • Sunny Delight
  • Coffee
  • Red potatoes
Now, call me ignorant, but I don't think the best way to promote cancer awareness is to sell food items on the cheap that will actually *give you cancer*.  I mean, unless you've got a package deal with some discount chemo, I think I'm gonna pass on your offer, Country Mart.


Alright, so I've been lawyer-ing for about a month now, and I *try* not to sound like an idiot in the courtroom, but it's kind of difficult to do. I mean, when I'm thinking "OH NO AM I DOING THIS RIGHT?? I'M GOING TO COMMIT MALPRACTICE AND I'VE ONLY HAD MY LICENSE FOR A MONTH AND MY LIFE IS GOING TO BE RUINED AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I DID ANYTHING WRONG!" it's hard to be assertive.  Right now, if I can make it through a hearing and get what my client needs without looking like a complete rookie, I consider it a good day. Heck, if I can get what my client needs despite the fact I look like a complete rookie, all the better.

The ultimate goal, though, is to have all the attorneys whispering to one another when I walk into court, saying "See that gal right there? Watch out. She'll whoop your ass." And I know the intimidation factor is going to be a big hurdle for me to overcome, as I am 5'3" and apparently look more like a sorority pledge than a woman with two degrees and a law license (I really do need to tone down the eye makeup, even though I still contend it looks sparkly-fabulous). However, if I can make myself quit *acting* like a rookie in the courtroom, no one will care that I *look* like one.  And I figure if I pretend I know what I'm doing long enough, I'll finally realize that I've known what I'm doing all along.

In the meantime, court may be kind of stressful, but I'm okay with that. This is because every stressful situation calls for a Hershey bar with almonds, and I fully enforce my Hershey rights after every court appearance. Kinda hard to have a bad day if chocolate is involved, isn't it? I think so.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

So, the other day...

I was driving home from Fayetteville, and I drove past a town with a giant firetruck on the side of the road. On the roof of the firetruck, there stood an Elvis mannequin. On top of the fireman's ladder, there stood another Elvis mannequin. There was nothing else in this town. Just a firetruck with two Elvises.