The adventures (and non-adventures) of a marginally seasoned attorney.


Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Spark Week: This bag of chips

This is a bag of chips. It is sitting in my kitchen.

The bag is shiny. The chips are tasty. Sharks are neither shiny nor tasty. Based on these facts, I think that this bag of chips is more interesting than any shark.

In fact, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that this bag of chips is more dangerous than a shark. You see, Frito Lay has decided to lure us all into thinking that we're getting a healthy little treat when we eat these chips because the chips contain "all natural oil."

However, after closer inspection of the ingredients, we see that one of the first ingredients listed on the bag is "Monosodium Glutamate."

According to the Mayo Clinic, monosodium glutamate has been known to cause headaches, nausea, chest pain, and weakness. According to the internet, monosodium glutamate also causes cancer, aggravates your asthma, makes your phone send text messages to your ex that you swear you didn't send, and you'll probably burst into flames if you stare into the sun after consumption.

These things scare me far more than a shark.

"But [Glutton for Punishment]!" you say. "Sharks are killing machines! They will eat your legs! They will eat your babies! They will FIND YOU IN YOUR SLEEP because they HATE YOU because you chose not to watch Shark Week and I HOPE THEY FIND YOU, YOU TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING." But because I don't plan to swim under water and shove a camera in ol' Sharky McGee's face any time in the near future, I think can rest pretty easy tonight.

Now, don't let the fact that I'm not taunting a shark make you think that I'm a wimp. No, I prefer to live dangerously. In fact, I think I'm going to eat some chips right now, monosodium glutamate and all. Take that, Shark Week.

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