The adventures (and non-adventures) of a marginally seasoned attorney.

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Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Spark Week: The Black Crowes

The Black Crowes are a southern rock band hailing from Atlanta, Georgia. They have had no cultural relevance since 1992. Their biggest hit was a cover song. However, The Black Crowes on their most boring day are infinitely more interesting than a shark.

Let's get things started by meeting the current members of the band:

Chris Robinson, vocals: Remember that period of time when Kate Hudson always brought a really ugly dude with a scruffy beard to the red carpet? This is that guy. They were married for a while, and now they're not. We can ignore that dark period, though, because Chris Robinson has the voice of an angel. An angel that tokes up a lot, but an angel, nonetheless.

Sven Pipien, bass: Good bass player. Good backup vocalist. Good job, Sven.

Rich Robinson, rhythm guitar: Rich Robinson does not smile. I've seen two Crowes shows, and the entire time, Rich just blankly stares into the audience. I think it's because he's thinking to himself "I wonder where the nearest Denny's is," throughout the show and planning out the quickest route in his mind. But maybe he's just super deep. I don't really know.

Steve Gorman, drums:  Sometimes he has a scruffy beard. When he doesn't, you sing to yourself "One of these things is not like the other," when you see him on stage.

Adam MacDougall, keyboards: He's a recent addition to the band, and most diehard Crowes fans can't stand the guy because they think he botches the keyboard solo in Wiser Time.  I should feel sorry for the guy, because a lot of hatred gets thrown his way. But I don't, because his Wiser Time solo really is that bad.

"Magical rotating lead guitar player," lead guitar: Count the number of times I thought about dropping out of law school, double it, and that's the number of lead guitarists The Black Crowes have gone through during the last 20 years. However, I think the current lead, Luther Dickinson, is super delicious. And he SMILED AT ME one time. I was sitting second row at a concert, and I yelled "We love you, Luther!" and he looked at me for a good FIVE seconds and smiled. I was smitten.

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Anyway, I went to my first Crowes concert back when I was still writing this blog anonymously, and it changed my life. It sure as heck was a lot better than Shark Week. All sharks can do is swim around in salt water and then bite you when they're feeling mean. The Black Crowes can give you a mind blowing musical experience that will take you on highs and lows throughout the entire set and leave you buzzing for days. For the record, I am sober and I am not a hippie.

So, for those of you who need something to watch other than Shark Week (and I know you do), The Black Crowes will be on television several times this week, heck yes they will. They're on Leno tonight (ew) and Kimmel tomorrow. Apparently, they'll be on PBS, too, but I'm supposed to "check my local listings" to figure out when that's on.  This is all because they've released a new album this week, which I highly recommend you purchase. Even better, you should purchase tickets to their farewell tour, which starts on August 13.

I'm not telling you all this because I'm getting a cut of the band's profits. I'm telling you this because everyone deserves to have some good music in their lives. And more importantly, everyone deserves an alternative to a boring ol' shark.

With that, I leave you with one of my favorite performances of all time:

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