The adventures (and non-adventures) of a marginally seasoned attorney.


Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Guide to Studying for Finals

Now, you don't think I'm honestly going to give you a list that would tell you how to succeed in your classes, do you? No sir! I'd like to think my guide to studying is a lesson in how to have an enjoyable finals experience, despite the fact that law professors are evil sadists who want to make sure your misery meets its maximum potential by the time you take your exam. Remember - just because your friends don't think you're fun anymore (and you're probably not) doesn't mean that you should be stripped of all of your happiness.
  • Plan your distractions - Okay, I don't believe for a second that you're disciplined enough to study nonstop (and if you are, you're either a gunner or on law review and you need to get the hell away from my blog). If you don't plan out your procrastination, you'll be lifelessly surfing facebook instead of doing something fun. Make sure whatever you plan is something really, really great. I'd recommend having a drunken heart to heart with the person sitting next to you at the bar, throwing fruit off of your campus's parking deck, or hanging out with someone who isn't a loser.
  • Eat a variety of foods from the four food groups of finals - Fast food, nachos, chocolate, and caffeine. All part of a well-balanced diet. Eat generously. You have all of Christmas break to eat celery and go to the YMCA.
  • Embrace your inner fashion diva! - Right now, I am wearing teal and pink pajama pants, a blue and gray hoodie, brown fuzzy boots, and a red and white knit hat. I look and feel fabulous.
  • Watch as much Boston Legal as possible - Okay, maybe it's just me, but I get so dang inspired every time I see Alan Shore give a closing argument. That man is MAGIC. His mesmorizing courtroom skills always give me that extra push to do a little bit more studying, because I'll never have the opportunity to be like him if I don't graduate from law school. If you watch the show often enough, you might get to catch a Denny Crane closing. Those are great, too.
  • Try to make it a point to shower every day*** - There's nothing better to refresh your spirits than a nice, hot shower. Besides, the time you spend washing your hair is time you don't have to spend looking at some P.O.S. outline.

***I make no promises as to whether that actually happens, because if the only contact I have with people in a given day is with the skanks and drug addicts that happen to be in the Sleazy Mart down the street while I'm purchasing my Diet Coke, then showering takes a backseat to the U.C.C., or whatever other legal nonsense I'm reviewing at the time.

Monday, November 17, 2008

I didn't vomit this time

So you know how I walked/ran a 5K a few weeks ago and got all tired and vomitlike afterward? But still declared myself to be the world's biggest badass?

Okay, I really am the world's biggest badass now.

I ran a 10K+ this past weekend. And by "ran" I mean I actually did run the entire thing.

Now, I don't know if I've told you this, but I'm kind of a diva. Not a diva in the "Oh, I wear lots of makeup and I'm high maintenance and you'd better meet all of my demands" kind of way. I'm a diva in the "Hey, this is my moment in the sun right now, and I'm going to enjoy it, and I'm going to make everyone around me enjoy it, too, so you'd better believe that I'm going to show off" kind of a way.

This became very apparent at the end of the race. Now, I was as shocked as all getout that I was able to run as long as I did, so by the time the final mile rolled around, I was all beaming and glowing and whatnot, because I knew I was going to be able to run the whole damn thing. And for the last quarter mile, spectators were lined up around either side of the road, holding up signs and cheering the participants on. And as I started running by this pack of spectators, the race annoucer called out over the microphone "Ladies and gentleman, here comes [Glutton for Punishment] from [Greatest Place in the South]!"

Oh, this was my moment.

I waved to all of the people in the crowd. Everyone started cheering even louder. I enthusiastically threw my arms into the air as I was approaching the finish line. Yes indeed, I am [Glutton for Punishment] from [Greatest Place in the South], and I am finishing this race! I loved the crowd, and I was gonna give them a hell of a finish. I crossed that finish line with style.

Oh, and did I mention there were photographers at the finish line? You better believe that I looked damn good when the photos were snapped. I was smiling bigger than I'd smiled in my entire life. Yes indeed, this was my moment.

The nicest volunteers in the world put a medal around my neck after I finished the race. They were absolutely fabulous. And after I got my medal, there were more race photographers who took my picture. Seriously, these folks were everywhere - it was like the marathon paparazzi. I gave those folks the happiest, hammiest pose my exhausted body could muster.

My best friend finished the race shortly thereafter. She did an amazing job. So I guess, to be fair, my best friend and I share the title of world's biggest badass. And it's a great feeling.

Now, back to my life, and time to prepare for the marathon that is finals. It's not nearly as fun as racing, but it'll do for now.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Falling a step behind

I, Glutton for Punishment, am the world's biggest badass because I ran my first 5K today and managed not to puke as I crossed the finish line.

I waited until I got to my car to do that. That's the more badass thing to do.

I actually had quite a good training plan worked out for this 5K, but this itty bitty thing called law school got in the way. And along with this itty bitty law school thing came advancing in trial competition (dang it), competing in negotiations competition (we got cut in the second round because we were "too mean," though we got everything our client wanted and then some), a couple of takehome exams, some ridiculous pleadings assignments, and some other ridiculous crap that is inherent in the normal course of law school dealings.

Anyway, I did make it through the entire 5K course without stopping, and I was on the biggest adrenaline high EVER the hours following, partly because of all the exercise I got, and partly because coming to the realization that you are the world's biggest badass is pretty exciting.

And then the evening came.

Long story short, I went to a football game with my parents, and afterward, my mother had to lift me into the backseat of her SUV because I couldn't move my legs into the car by myself without being in excruciating pain. But I'm better today. My walking style that could be best described as a "shuffle" yesterday has now evolved into a full on "waddle" or "hobble," so I am on the up and up, yes siree.

Needless to say, I'm rethinking this whole notion of me being the world's biggest badass. Guess we'll find out next weekend.... when I run my second 5K.

Friday, October 3, 2008

One shining moment

So last week I decided that I never, ever want to be a trial lawyer.

The decision may or may not have had something to do with the fact that I failed to make a complete sentence at any point during my pre-trial conference for trial class. And the pre-trial conference was bad enough that I had to go and buy chocolate so I could feel better. Actually, I probably would have bought the chocolate regardless. But I digress.

Unfortunately, I made this decision about one day after I had signed up to be in the law school's mock trial competition. So after I had eaten the chocolate (Hershey's with almonds, by the way) and said "Screw trial work," I realized I was still stuck with this dang competition. Yeah, not pleased. And I really didn't want to do any more work than I had to, so I was kind of hoping that I wouldn't do well enough to advance to the next round. In fact, my only real goal for the competition was not to fall flat on my face. Or my ass. Or anything else. But mainly my face or my ass.

So round one of the competition was this last week. I was as nervous as all getout and I was running on almost no sleep. And it was pretty obvious during trial. I said something mistrial worthy in one of my direct examinations. I forgot the relevance of every piece of evidence I tried to enter.

I got an email today from the Board of Advocates congratulating me on advancing to the next round.

Dang it.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Bringing all the boys to the yard

At this very moment, I am laying on my bed like a lazy punk, filled with some pork burrito thing I ordered from the local taqueria, and I have no intention of getting my sorry self out of bed anytime soon. I'd really like a vanilla milkshake right now, but unless someone wants to make me said milkshake (technically, I need a soymilkshake), come to my apartment, figure out some way to undo the lock, walk into my bedroom and hand me the damn thing, then it ain't happenin', because like I said, I have have no intention of getting my sorry self out of bed anytime soon.

Now, you might be wondering why I have no intention of getting my sorry self out of bed anytime soon. And you know, I think that usually needs no explanation, since sometimes you just feel like being a lazy punk. But, dear friends, this is a special occasion for being a lazy punk... School started back this week. Get excited. Now you get to read about my adventures in (or griping about, if you prefer to call it that) school AND work.

I can't wait.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Overheard in Law School

So have you heard of the blog "Overheard in Law School?" Well, I'm not linking to it. I submitted some funny stuff to them, and they never published it (jerks). Fine. They can have their ugly purple-and-green blog, and I'll post some fabulous things I've overheard on my oh-so dazzling sea-of-pink blog.

: What do you think the court's policy was behind holding the way they did?
1L, very seriously: Wasn't it justice?

1L [via IM]
: It's the paradox of law school. A reasonably prudent person would never subject themselves to law school.
Other 1L: It's an attractive nuisance.

Professor, asking about a child abuse case
: Why do you think they use abbreviations for names in this case, Ms. [1L]?
1L: Well, probably because their names were too long.