Why Pinterest posts annoy the crap outta me

Okay, I really and truly love recipe hunting on Pinterest, but God help me, blog posts that are designed to get Pinterest traffic annoy the crap outta me. For those who don't know, bloggers who post lots of pretty pictures are more likely to get links on Pinterest, and the more links, the more blog traffic. However, it's very, very obvious which bloggers are trying to get more traffic, because every single time they post, they'll give us a lengthy picture story that goes a little something like this:


Oh my gosh, I have the most interesting story to tell about what I'm about to bake! Here's a picture of the dish I'm about to cook! 

I was SO WORRIED about how I was going to create this dish, but I love a good challenge! I'll post the recipe here in a bit, but here's a picture of the dish at a different angle!

I need to incorporate my husband into this blog post! He doubted that I could make this, so I was determined to prove him wrong! [Seriously, I can't tell you how many bloggers say they have husbands who doubt their cooking skills. If I were married and I had a husband who whined that much about my cooking, I'd tell him to make his own freaking hot dog.] I'm not posting the recipe yet, but here's another picture of the dish, NOW WITH A GARNISH!!

Whew! This was so exhausting! Here's a picture of the dish with some things I have lying around my kitchen. Oh, and I love WINE! [Food bloggers seem to talk about how much they love to drink wine. I'm not sure whether their wine consumption has to do with the fact that their husbands complain about their cooking all the time.]

And by the way, here's the recipe:
[We'll just pretend I've posted my delicious organic hot dog and kale leaf recipe]

This turned out to be really good! I think I'm going to make this a weekly treat/ Here's another picture that I promise is different than the last one ;)

People want more blog traffic - hey, I get it. However, you don't have to worry about the stories, guys. Just say "Hey y'all, I want more people to link to my recipe blog, so please enjoy a buttload of pictures at the end of this post," and you're good to go.

Q&A and Networking and Such

Once upon a time, my friend Megan nominated me for the Liebster blog award. Here's her blog, and here's her nomination post. Here's the description of the Liebster blog award, which I borrowed from her, which she borrowed from someone else:

"The award is intended for up-and-coming bloggers who have less than 200 followers. Once nominated, you have to answer 11 questions about yourself from the person who nominated you and then nominate a few of your fellow bloggers and pose your own set of questions to them. It's all about networking for small blogs."

Thanks, Megan :) Without further ado, here's the Q&A:

1. What is your favorite holiday? How do you celebrate it?

Independence Day; I love grilling and sparkly things. Last year, my CrossFit gym started out with the hardest WOD I have ever done in my entire life then followed up with one of the most deliciously fattening celebrations ever.

2. What animal are you like? What animal do you wish you were more like?

I'm like a puppy - I have a YAY WHAT IS THIS LET'S FIND OUT LET'S GO GO GO AND BE HAPPY YAAAAY! attitude about new adventures, though this gets me in trouble sometimes. I wish I were more like a bird so I could finally fly across country without getting airsick.

3. If you could change your first name, even just for a day, what would you change it to?

One day when I was in kindergarten or first grade, I decided that I wanted to be called Alice. I made this announcement in my Gifted and Talented class, and the teacher obliged.

4. How would you spend $500 cash if you were given it today?

Use it to bribe the powers that be to take Arkansas out of the Royals MLB Blackout Zone.

5. What was your favorite game to play as a kid?

I don't remember any specific game that I liked more than the others. I liked telling stories a whole lot, though.

6. How do you try to relax when you're stressed?

Hot yoga. If I could, I'd put a sauna in my office so I could do hot yoga during my lunch breaks. Namaste.

7. If you could travel through time, when would you go? Why?

I can think of a few people I used to want to crotch-kick. I'd probably go back in time and follow through on that just to see what happens. *shrug*

8. What is the hardest thing you've ever done?

Law school, the bar exam, and being an attorney are easy in comparison to some of the things that life throws you. If you're having a hard time getting through those things, it's okay. Work through them at your own pace and don't be afraid to ask for help.

(Yeah, that was totally a non-answer. I'd rock a career in politics.)

9. What was the last book/TV show/movie you did NOT enjoy?

Even though I once fancied myself to be a political junkie, I don't enjoy This Week or Meet the Press anymore because I think they're just douchebag forums now.

10. If you were given five private lessons to learn anything new, what would you choose?

Video editing. I learned a little bit of that for a class project in undergrad once, but I forgot everything I learned.

11. Why do you blog?

Life is absolutely ridiculous, which is fantastic, and I love sharing the ridiculousness.

So I'm nominating Meggie's Life and Ambivalent Attorney. I have no idea how many followers their blogs have - they could have like a zillion, and they should - but they're delightful reads. Should they choose to participate, here are their questions:

1. If you had to get another degree, God forbid, what would it be?
2. If the United States decided to have a monarchy, who would you nominate to be the first King and Queen of the U.S.?
3. What's your favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurant?
4. How much money would it take for you to never watch football again?
5. If you won the lottery, what would be your first frivolous purchase?
6. How do you deal with idiots on the internet?
7. You are forced to listen to a song on repeat for 24 hours. What would that song be?
8. Who was your first celebrity crush?
9. What's the best piece of advice anyone ever gave you?
10. A sandwich is named after you. What's on the sandwich?
11. Why do you blog?

New Adventures

So, since the last time I posted, I was offered a new job, I accepted that job, I moved across the state, and now I'm finally settled. And because I'm finally settled, this means I finally have time to start typing away at Incidental Justice without thinking "OMG OMG OMG Is there something I need to be doing at work right that I didn't realize I needed to be doing because this is a new job and it's so different from my old job OH GOD I'M AFRAID I'M GOING TO RUIN THINGS but I'm not sure what it is I would ruin so I need to make sure to spend LOTS AND LOTS worrying about what it is I might ruin AHHHHHHH!"

So far so good, though. It's a new chapter in my life, full of new adventures. So let's get to talking, shall we?

Trash talking, part 1: The rules

I went to an athletic event this weekend, and it was one of those "friendly" competition type things where you're supposed to be cheering everyone on, even your opponents. And don't get me wrong, I think it was appropriate for that forum, but I have a reeeally difficult time engaging in spectatorship if I can't throw a little bit of hatin' in there.

I firmly believe that trash talking is sacred, though, and there are some general guidelines we should all follow when participating in this time-honored tradition. In part 1 of this two-part series on trash talking, I'm going to explain the general rules of smack talk:

1. You can always trash talk your archrival - There are no exceptions to this rule, period. And if anyone tells you otherwise, that person is just a pansy and you don't need to be listening to anything they ever say.

2. You can trash talk perennial favorites if for no other reason than it's annoying as crap to see the same teams win year after year.

3. You can trash talk a team that's better than yours, and I say this one with hesitation because I think it's unnecessarily self-deprecating to yell "OVER-RATED!" when your team beats a better team. Anything else is just fine, though.

4. You can trash talk anyone or any team associated with a person who ruined your team at some point in time - I'm looking at you, Houston Nutt.

5. You can trash talk a team if you're playing them in a big f'n deal of a game - And if you don't, then I don't really know why you're watching sports in the first place.

6. You can trash talk a team if there's a personal reason you hate them - Okay, the assistant coach knocked up your sister and said bad things about your momma. You go right ahead and trash talk away. Doesn't have to be that severe of a reason, though. I'll forever trash talk the Yankees because I hate Robinson Cano for snubbing Billy Butler in the 2012 Home Run Derby. This is not childish. This is being a good fan.

7. You can trash talk an opposing team if it it's going to annoy them and affect gameplay  - Same as #5, if you're not doing this, then I don't know why you're watching sports.

8. You can say bad things about your own team if they do in fact suck - I am a Royals fan. I know my team sucks. I get to say my team sucks. I have earned the privilege of saying the Royals suck because I have watched them do it for more than two decades.

9. You can't trash talk another team just because they do not play well - Fans of bad teams know their teams are bad. If the only reason you're smack talking a team is because that team has a losing record and none of the other rules apply, you're just being a douchebag. Do what you can to find another reason to trash talk them, but if you can't, just move on.

10. You can trash talk any individual or fanbase that is especially obnoxious, and I will elaborate on this in part 2 of the series.

Two years in

Being an attorney will skew your perspective on life. There is no getting around this; after you've practiced for a while, the world just seems different. Everything seems more ridiculous. Everyone seems more stupid. Everyone has a problem that they could fix, but you're convinced that no one is actually interested in doing what it takes to solve those problems, so you just sit and watch the world burn around you.

After you've practiced for a while, you will analyze every single text you write to determine whether that statement would be harmful to you in a court of law. You will watch what you wear when you go to Walmart, because you're terrified of the thought of running into opposing counsel - or worse, a judge - in your pajamas. And every now and then you won't be able to fall asleep, because sometimes you just can't turn off the mental work switch when you get home.

You don't get all worked up about some OUTRAGEOUS court case in the news everyone is talking about because you've heard worse during family court. You do get worked up, however, when people adamantly declare what the court should do in these cases even though they don't know all the facts. You love facts. You wished everyone else loved facts as much as you do.

Courtroom dramas aren't as entertaining as they used to be because no one on television follows the rules of civil procedure. Concerts and sporting events are still fun, but at some point in the evening, you're going to start analyzing potential liabilities at the event as they relate to the structures and logistics. You know that bringing those things up with your non-lawyer friends will kind of make you a douchebag. You have accepted the fact that you are kind of a douchebag.

This is how I see life now, and I'm only two years into the job. I look forward to seeing how things are after another 20.

Poetic Justice

Summing up a young lawyer's day in court ... haiku style. 

Yes, I'm a lawyer

I know I look like I'm 12

But you're being rude 

Pleeeeeease let me go first

So my trial will be done

I'm very hungry :(

Old lawyers fighting

They're really getting upset

Please don't pop a vein

Necessary fact

No one bothered telling me

'Til after trial

Public restrooms here

Are not very hygienic 

I'll hold it for now

I read the statute.

I'm young, opposing counsel.

I'm not a dumbass.

... Why did you say that?

No one asked you that, witness.

I can't unhear that.

THESE FACTS ARE AWESOME!

MY CLIENT IS SO AWESOME!

WINNING IS AWESOME!

Hey Girl. Royals Singles Night.

When I saw talk of "Royals Singles Night" online, I genuinely thought that "Singles" was a reference to hitting a baseball and reaching first base. Oh, was I wrong. Singles Night is an actual promotion by the Kansas City Royals organization to match up the lonely people of the world (who also happen to be miserable because they're Royals fans).

I have no intention of attending this event. But if I did attend, I imagine the evening would be full of lines like these:

(Note: If you're not a Royals fan, don't worry; I've provided an explanation link for the Royals-specific lines. Though in my experience, the less you know about the Royals, the less miserable you are.)

Wil Myers reference.

Dayton Moore reference.

Yuniesky Betancourt reference.

Country Breakfast reference.

Good luck, everyone. Hope you don't strike out.

(Thanks to the folks who started the #RoyalsSinglesNightLines trend on twitter for the inspiration. I promise I didn't take any lines from you. At least, not *intentionally*.)